I’ve spent years leading organizations, making mistakes, fixing mistakes, and occasionally creating new ones. Every article starts with a true story, because the best leadership lessons usually begin with someone saying, “Let me tell you what happened…” If my hindsight helps you avoid a few expensive lessons of your own, then this series has done its job.

Behold! The World’s Busiest Man!

It was the summer of 2014, and after years of diligent service, I received the gift of a significant promotion (the exact Christmas gift every young workaholic dreams of). Ascending from “Director of Operations” to “Executive Director”. I settled into my new corner office. Adjusted my monitor just right, and leaned back in my fancy black leather office chair. As the novelty of the promotion slowly faded away, the pressure of responsibility came bounding in. I then blankly asked myself  “I wonder how long it’ll be before they realize this was a mistake?”

Many others can relate with this scenario (the leaders who fail the quickest seem to be devoid of self-doubt). I’m now able to look back at this time with an added layer of perspective and compassion. I wasn’t afraid of failing – I was afraid of being exposed; a much more sinister and existential fear. It was the calling card of a brain that still had glaring issues to tackle. I was unable to recognize it at the time, but now a smirk of compassion (and a little pity) creeps across my face when I think of this time. Drugs and alcohol had long been removed from my system, but the hallmarks of codependency and the clawing for external validation, were still alive and well. The only solution I could easily discover at the time was to prove I belonged by outworking everyone around me.

So I did exactly that.

I answered emails instantly. Anxiety washed over me if an important one sat there beyond 10 minutes. I volunteered for projects that weren’t mine. I jumped headlong into problems, before anyone else had a chance. If something was on fire, I was on my way, with a metaphorical extinguisher in hand. I wore my busyness like a badge of honor. Boundaries were nonexistent. Evenings and weekends were fair game for work tasks, because “its a part of being the boss.” I can now see two inalienable facts; I was careening towards a brick wall of burnout, and I was prioritizing a carefully curated image of being “sooooo busy”

It felt like leadership. It wasn’t.

So What Was Actually Happening?:

The problem wasn’t my work ethic. The problem was my insecurity. I confused responsiveness with leadership, constant activity with progress, and exhaustion with effectiveness. The busier I became, the less time I had for the work that only a leader can do: thinking strategically, developing people, improving systems, and preventing tomorrow’s problems instead of reacting to today’s. I was comfortable tackling the small problems. I was not comfortable taking on the big problems, especially if it meant admitting I needed help. I was spinning my wheels.

An organization can survive with a leader like this, but it cannot thrive. History repeated itself, time and time again, and my lack of proactive leadership caused these problems to compound. I eventually found my way through the woods, and to the other side. But it wasn’t by way of my supervisor – it was by way of a close friend and colleague’s sudden and shocking overdose/death. That raised the stakes. I no longer had just the consequence of losing my job, I could lose my life. Not taking care of myself was no longer an optional thing, I could do when I felt like it.

I doubled down on personal growth, and a personal program. I slowly started leaning into the hard thoughts and the even harder conversations. This resulted in the forming of a new reality, and a new habit; fervently chasing honesty and clarity, especially when it was uncomfortable. With that clarity came the realization that my childhood wounds had set up a roadblock, preventing humility and self honesty from passing through.  

The Big Idea:

Leadership isn’t about becoming more efficient at reacting. It’s about building an organization that needs less reaction in the first place. Thats it.

Five Lessons I Wish I’d Learned Earlier:

1. Activity isn’t progress. Being constantly in motion creates the illusion of productivity. Progress comes from moving the organization forward, not simply checking more boxes.
2. Firefighters eventually create more fires. If every problem requires the leader’s involvement, the system never improves.
3. Your inbox is a leadership report card. An overflowing inbox usually reflects too many decisions flowing to one person.
4. Meetings should create clarity, not consume calendars. Every recurring meeting should earn its place.
5. Thinking is work. The most valuable hours on a leader’s calendar are often the quiet ones.

What I’d Do Today:

If I could sit down with the 2014 version of myself, I wouldn’t tell him to work harder. I’d tell him to slow down long enough to decide which work actually belonged to him. Great leaders don’t prove their value by solving every problem – they create an environment where other people become capable of solving them.

Food For Thought:

• What percentage of your day is spent reacting instead of leading?
• Which recurring emergency should have become a system months ago?
• How are you robbing others of their opportunity to grow? What decisions are you still making that someone else could own? 
• If your calendar were half as full, what strategic work would finally get your attention?